I call this my grand idea. It’s a concept in where I am able to put thoughts to paper, sense to a blank document. Where words become poetry and prose, not just distant shadows of untamed sentences. The grammar is diligent and the punctuation is precise. It’s where I don’t fall short when trying to find a word that suits my needs. I want to expand my mind, expand my knowledge. I don’t want to be restricted to this tiny vocabulary that most people possess. I want to have a vast learning of the english language. I want to sound articulate and literate. I want people to know that I study and research and try to find new ways to expand my mind. It’s a wonderful concept, but that’s all it is. It’s a concept. A concept that seems that it will never come true. I know how to do it. I have all the tools necessary to complete my task, yet when I sit down to just write, nothing comes out. Not anything worthwhile at least.
But who am I to decide what’s worthwhile? It’s not my judgment that matters. It’s what others think of my writing. I am not just writing for myself, I am writing for others. I want to inspire people. I want to make a living. I know that is terribly difficult in this day an age, making a living doing what you love, but I want to. So desperately bad. I feel I was always fall short. Is there some kind of magic that you must find to become a writer? Is there some kind of enchantment you must say? If there is, I have not a clue what it is. I think I might be shit out of luck.
I get confused as to what to do. Do I write like this?
Sally met Joe and they went to dinner together.
Is that what people want? Or do I write like this?
Sally managed to meet a single stranger that day, but it was sure he wouldn’t be a stranger for long. She learned his name was Joe and he was in town on business, and was eager for some new company. He kindly asked her to accompany him to dinner that night. Without a single ounce of hesitation in her voice, she agreed. Life was a grand adventure and she wouldn’t miss a second of it.
Is that better? Does it paint a more vivid picture? Do I put vibrant words and descriptions of everything in each paragraph? How many chapters is an acceptable book size? How many pages are in each chapter, in each book? There are so many questions and I have no idea how to go about answering any of them. Sure, I can google them but then I get run-of-the-mill, cookie cutter answers. What the fuck do I do? I need something to go on. I don’t know where to start. Maybe a blog? Maybe that would be a good idea. I could start a new blog just for my writing. Who would read it? Who would ever sit down and actually want to read my rantings and ravings? I don’t think anyone would, but I could give it a try.